Grills just wanna have fun

Hey, hey hey. It’s Monday and day one of June. June means summer and summer means out door cooking. I’m on a mission to finally try and cook everything on the grill for the summer. Even soup. I hope everyone knows that it is still technically not summer yet so I have time to attack my plan umm… plan of attack. (lam-o) My new grill has been at my neighbor’s/brother in law’s house since April. It really isn’t anyone’s fault accept for mine. I took it down there and have just been flat out too lazy to go get it back. Maybe I’ll go get it tonight. So what to grill? What not to grill? I have once heard of someone grilling a pizza. I can’t confirm this story because I couldn’t tell you if someone actually told me about this or if I had a dream about it/made it up.

Looks like this person did it.

I would of course make it look not as disgusting. Maybe switch those tomatoes with pepperoni or chicharones.

My grill is nothing to write home about (but apparently blog worthy) but I am more than happy with it. I does it’s job. Of course I wouldn’t complain if some one bought me this beauty.

I guess I would also need a yard to accommodate it. Maybe I’ll settle for this.

Either way, I can guarantee that I will be a grilling, machine.

That’s really all I have today. Sorry.

In a very lame attempt to  change the spouse’s mind about a certain issue, I ask that everyone let her know that a 50 cc motor won’t go very fast.

Random Notes to Random People

To:

People that live down the street-The Election is over, you can take down your Obamanos sign.

“Metal Guys” in the cafeteria at school- When you criticize vegetarians and “loud people”, you sound like real A-holes. That’s not metal.

Whoever sent me a text message yesterday-I don’t know who you are. I’m sure I gave you my number, but I don’t have yours. Who are you?

Neighborhood thief- Please quit taking my Saturday/Sunday paper. It’s not cool. Go buy your own. That’s what I do.

Paper delivery person- I could really use the paper a little earlier. I don’t like getting it as I’m walking out the door. Also, if you are responsible for my lack of papers on Saturday/Sunday, let me know so I can apologize to Neighborhood thief.

New Coffee Maker -You’re awesome, thanks for automatically brewing before I wake up.

Brown Dog- You’re usually not the squeaky wheel, but when you are, it is more than bothersome.

Loud Dog-Shhhhhhhh. It’s early

Consumer reports- why don’t you have kitchen scales on your website?

WordPress- Party

To Karly- Happy Birthday!

Oh, Brother.

Weather man Stucker has informed me that it is Brothers Week. For residents of my fair city, this comes as no surprise. Said weatherman always has something to say about the day. Each day is always something like coffee table appreciation day, or pull your head out of your arse week. For some reason, I can’t stop watching this guy regardless of how much I am annoyed by him. He always brings his dogs to work. How do I know this? Because they sit in front of the green screen when he is reporting on the weather. Granted they usually sit in front of the part of the state no one cares about, but come on be a little more subtle Estevan.

I’m not so sure that dogs have a place just anywhere. I love my dogs, probably to an unhealthy extent, but I leave them at home. When not at home, they are on a leash. Not only are they constrained because I don’t trust them, but because there’s a law. My spouse may disagree, but I don’t always follow the rules just because. I think leash laws are justified. When it comes down to it, dogs are animals. End of story. As much as I talk about my dogs like they are kids, they are not. They poop and pee outside. Sometimes they eat said poop. I don’t care how nice your dog is, it needs to be on a leash, unless you are at a dog park or out camping or something like that. I have seen the nicest dog pushed to it’s limits. Not surprised though, because they are ANIMALS. I see so many times dogs being walked down the street leash less. Worse, there is this little rat dog that roams our neighborhood with out a leash or owner. No come on! Really? I’ll let you slide on the no leash, but let him walk himself? In the words of Bahlki, “Don’t be rediculous.” Okay, let’s say I give you walking sans leash, at least pick up after your dog. I don’t know which dog is doing it, but there is one that continues to drop a deuce in our front yard. This is just disrespectful. So you feel like your dog is constrained by a leash, fine. Is there something stopping you from carrying a couple of  bags to pick up after your best friend. I would do it for my friends,  be it dog or human. I swear to everything that is holy, if I catch the person that walks this dog, I will run outside, pick up the poop myself and go all chimp on them and huck that steamer right at them. Let this be a warning. This is my house Gus. Why you bring a Sasquatch in my house? How appropriate would it be if I took all of my niece’s dirty diapeys and shook them out in other yards around the hood.

Wow, who knew I ad so much hate in me?

More Gifts

Washed some more wedding gifts last night. I also used Matt and Karly’s knives. To cut. I went crazy cutting things. The cheese, “it out”, loose and much much more. I’m supposed to be writting a response to something for English. Most likely it will have a similarity with this entry in that it will be pulled out of my ass. No really, we got a donkey as a wedding gift. His name is Bernie and he eats everything including my homework. I guess it’s some sort of tradition in the wifes family.

Two Girls One Pool

I had a great Memorial Day weekend. I guess summer is pretty much here. Time for swimming and what not. Just be careful not to catch a disease from that public pool. I used to not really be a germ fearing individual. I was that type of guy that would by new underwear and not even bother washing them before wearing them. I mean does anyone personally know sombody who developed a rash from this? Doesn’t matter. Thanks to the internet and some graphic pictures, I will not even think about doning a pair of undies before boiling them first. Same with new dishes/cookware. We just got a shoot-ton of new stuff from our registry including an ice cream maker and a grill sold by a former boxer. Of course I made ice cream right away after first thouroughly washing all the parts. I mean who knows what those cheeky bastards do while assembling my kitchen gadgets. Yesterday I thought a grilled cheese would hit the spot, so I decided to crack open the new kitchen grill. I opened the box and before I even pulled it out, I cuaght a wiff of that new appliance smell. Indeed, it smelled new. Instead of bringing to mind a fresh, crunchy, cheesey samich, I thought of a sandwich that tastes like plastic and styrofoam. Not to mention the possible strep throat that someone left in the box. Classically me, I just closed the box and decided to make it old fashioned style. It was okay, but it didn’t “pack that punch” the boxer’s grill is so famous for. So, When did this happen? I think as I get older, and “know” more, I get more worried about stupid things like this. This brings me back to the pool thing. The other day, the local news warned that swimming in pools could bring on some sort of sickness. There is some sort of virus that you can catch from swimming in poop. It doesn’t seem suprising that there is fecal matter in public pools. Think about it, you are basically swimming in a giant bathtub with tons of kids who do not yet know the importance washing their butts. I know there is lots of chlorine in said cesspools, but that doesn’t seem like enough. The advice given was to change your baby away from the pool and to shower throuroughly before and after swimming. The concequence for not doing this? the possibility of somone swallowing some gross stuff and getting dysentary. Yes, dysentary like in Oregon Trail. The wierdest part of all of this, is that most of us are more that used to swimming in the ocean, lakes, and rivers. What do we think are in those? I guarentee it’s more than human poop and pee pee. Indeed ignorance is truly bliss. So go enjoy summer, hep C and all.

The good ol Days

So I normally wouldn’t post twice in in day. ( I think it may be a cardinal blog sin) I decided to cut myspace out of my life. I figure 4 years of an abusive relationship is enough. I changed my number so I can’t be found don’t worry. This time I ‘m really leaving. So here are some posts from way back when. As I was cutting and pasting them I started to realize I should have had my Internet privileges taken away a long time ago. I also contemplated just not saving some to try and save face. My inner voice said, “No,  don’t. It’s not funny!” Alas, just like when I’m talking, I ignore that voice that says, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

 

Thursday, March 26, 2009 

Time Capsule Current mood:  ashamed Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes   So I found this “story” in my inbox from a long time ago. Sean and I took turns writing portions of it and sending it back to each other. The first paragraph is Sean, the second me and so on. I didn’t edit it at all because I don’t like censorship. On a side note, I hate writing this because myspace feels like it’s not necessary to use cursors. Or as I like to call it an “insertion point”. Enjoy   King Sean & King Andy’s greatest adventure of all time, besides the time they made muffins! This is a story of two kings, King Sean and King Andy. King Sean lived in the land of Umpikanoo, where miniature part-robot zombie dinosaurs roamed, due to a freak accident where a mixed up paleontologist/mad scientist/inventor named Eric accidentally brought dinosaurs back from the dead, but in the process gave them robot parts, but since they were extinct they became zombies and somehow shrank to become miniature. Sean’s castle was edible and made of cheese. At first these two very handsome and funny kings didn’t really think too much about the Jinkadus. (Thats what the miniature part-robot zombie dinosaurs are called) That is until the Jinkadus migrated to the Mac and Cheese forest. What most people don’t realize is that Jinkadus love Mac and Cheese plants, but they hate how it give them gas. It gives them gas so bad that when it passes, it not only smells like rotten bananas, mixed with rotten milk, covered in baby poop, it sounds like Rosanne Barr singing the National Anthem. As soon as Sean and Andy realized they had a problem they started making a plan…right after they stopped lauking (a combination of laughing and puking simultaneously) uncontrollably. So King Sean and King Andy gathered up a few men and dressed them in red uniforms from star trek, that way if they died, it was no big deal. Their Queens Jessica and Sarah stayed home deciding not to go on one of their “wild adventures” and watched a Family Matters marathon together, they love that Urkel. Then they headed down to the Mac isand Cheese forest to figure out do something about the Jinkadus, and ended up stopping at 7-11 along the way for slurpees. The road to the mac and cheese forest was treacherous, and had many tasks they had to complete along the way. And on after their first day of travel, they ended up at Batman’s house, who in reality isn’t a superhero but just some crazy guy who thinks he can fight crime, and for that matter thinks everyone some sort of super villain, he mostly just spins around in his yard making noises with his mouth pretending he’s in one of the bat vehicles. Once they figured out that this so called “Batman” was actually just “Frank” from their elementary cafeteria, they took a breath. “How do we kill a slime ball?”, asked King Andy “The same way we killed your last girlfriend! With salt!”, replied King Sean. So just like King Andy’s last girlfriend, (not to be confused with Queen Sarah) “Batman”/”Creepy Frank” was left in a pile of slime. The two kings knew that their troubles were not even close to being over. They knew that to defend themselves from any other enemies, they would need to arm themselves in the best armor known to G.W. Warhead. This is what we like to call, “Apple Butter”. After applying the sticky gluey delicious substance to themselves and all of their fellow cohorts, they merrily skipped down the path towards the mac and cheese forest. They ended up skipping right over the man with a thousand arms, the incredible alligator in my pants, and the three faced pink howler gorilla, and ended up not far from the mac and cheese forest, at a small hut owner by none other than Eric himself, the creator of the Jinkadus. He was outside barbecuing mash potatoes.

Monday, October 27, 2008 

Sean Friend is Awesome   1. How tall are you barefoot? My names not barefoot, it’s Andy. 2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Waaaaa!? On Halloween I am a heroin adict. 3. Do you own a gun? Sarah just bought a package of them at Wal-Mart. We use them on the dogs. I get ammunition from the sink. 4. Rehab? I said No, No, No. 5. Do you get nervous before “meeting the parents”? Only my own 6. What do you think of hot dogs? They seem nice enough. 7. What’s your favorite Christmas song? The one where Robin layed an egg. 8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee, and your milkshake. 9. Do you do push-ups? No, only becuase you shouldn’t put your thing in ice cream 10. Have you ever done ecstacy? Is that a kind of push-up? I like orange. 11. Are you vegan? My teeth are made to eat everything. 12. Do you like painkillers? I don’t believe in the death penalty, so I don’t like any killers. 13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex potential lovers? I use correct grammar. 14. Do you own a knife? I have a whole drawer full of them. 15. Do you have A.D.D.? Wanna ride bikes? 16. Date Of Birth? no 17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: 1)When’s it gonna be my turn?! 2) I wish I was as rich as eggnog 3) This American Life is sometimes a little sad. 18. Name the last 3 things you have bought: 1) Breakfast 2) beer 3) breakfast  19. Name five drinks you regularly drink: coffee, water, beer, milk, Febreeze 20. What time did you wake up today? Early. The rooster was sick, so I had to go around to everyone’s room and scream. 21. Current hair? Like electric hair? That would be a wierd super power. 22. Current worry? Terrified of electricity 23. Current hate? No, it gives me light and a warm oven. 24. Favorite place to be? Dancing on the ceiling 25. Least favorite place to be? Fire 26. Where would you like to go? Duckburg 27. Do you own slippers? just one. Still looking for the other one 28. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 yrs? Probably still filling this thing out. 29. Do you burn or tan? I think the sun cooks your skin regardless. 30. Last thing you ate? food 31. Would you be a pirate? I thought it would be fun until I found out about modern day pirates. 32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Hey, Stanford. Party. 33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Songs of freedom. 34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? The IRS 35. What’s in your pockets right now? Hope. 36. Last thing that made you laugh? Sean Friend 37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? California Raisins 38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I got the dignity knocked out of me. 40. How many TVs do you have in your house? I watch TV outside. 41. Who is your loudest friend? My dog 42. Who is your most silent friend? My other dog 43. Does someone have a crush on you? Once I spilled a Crush on me 45. What is your favorite book? The Gas We Pass 46. What is your favorite candy? Canes 47. What songs do/did you want played at your wedding? “Let’s Get Ethical” 48. What song do you want played at your funeral? “Take this Job and Shove it.” 49. What were you doing 12AM last night? REM 50. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? It really only cause pain, when you realize it will be with you longer than your self respect. 51. (made by Sean) Can you bite your elbow? see question 11.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 

Magic Beans Current mood:  embarrassed Category: Games   I’m gonna start writing a sonnet a day. (Booyah Sean!)   Here we go.. Writing in iambic pentamiter is hard as shit, now I’m gonna quit.   So….nevermind that. I purchased a bicycle. I feel like I sold the family cow.

Friday, June 09, 2006 

whose comin with me? Current mood:fanfreakintastic   I’m gonna start a new ska band. It’s gonna be called: Skanker Soar. I’m gonna need at least one guitar player, a bass player, a drummer, a singer, and a pretty solid horn section. I’ll be the dancer.

Thursday, May 18, 2006 

These turtle boys don’t cut no slack…… Category: Automotive   To everyone who knows about it, or even cares for that matter, Sunday Swim is tentativley (sp?) on for the summer. Get ready for nipples popping out, playing chicken, playing 500, curing your Saturday hangover with cheep beer and just plain swimming. I’m not sure when the pool opens, but I’m assuming it opens at the end of the month or in June. Anyhoo, this Saturday will be the birthday party of the month. Pretty bold statement you say? Well, I’m a bold guy! You should come, unless you are not my friend, a child molester, creepy, a creepy child molester or a Republican. As far as the Sunday Swim thing,  I will keep people updated as I know more. One more thing: I don’t swim in your toilet so please don’t pee in my pool.

Saturday, April 08, 2006 

IT’s too late and I’m a sucker!   Rules of the game (for those of you whose memories need refreshing): The first player of this game starts with the “6 weird things/habits about yourself” and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their six weird habits/things, as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “You are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read yours. 1. I love farm animals!……but not for petting.  2. I believe that “True love is hard to find”….except when they are wearing Mexican wrestling masks.  3. The last functiong ranch in L.A. featured Squeaky….Google her name. 4. I have the same shoe size as William H. Macy…before the accident. 5. This is how I type…riddjoidj’$^)O*$JkhnasdifhewihfahgvjHA 6. If pink is the new black…then call me Malcolm X. 1. Lilah 2. Sean 3. Adam 4. Sarah 5. Lorenzo 6. Kristin

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 

Who does St Patrick think he is? Current mood:  blank   Let’s get drunk! I think we should get a three day weekend. Why you ask? Benito Juarez of course! Yes the “Lincoln” of Mexico. Some people might be asking who the hell is this guy? I could go on for hours about Senior Juarez, but alas I don’t know much about him. I do know he did some crazy wicked stuff for Mexico, and according to the report I found online, written by a high school student, he was pretty kick-ass. Plus, how many people really know what St. Patrick did or what he is the saint of? Before Sean and all the other Lepricauns get their green underwear in a bunch, I do value St. Patrick, or at least his ability to make America a bunch of drunks for one day. So what I propose is that we get a three day- no better yet a four day weekend. We would get Friday off for Sean’s b-day/St Whatshisface. Monday would be the day of hang….er observation for Juarez’ b-day. And I think we should all remember that without this Juarez character we wouldn’t have a place to see a donkey sodomize a woman, drink a bottle of tequilla, and piss in the street all in the same hour!   That is all. Peace out, Amen, and holla back

Monday, January 30, 2006 

W.W.J.B.D. Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes   That’s right folks you heard it here first folks. There is  a suspicious package in the parking garage at city hall! I ‘ll start from the beginging. The following takes place btween the half-hour of  9:40 AM and 10:10AM   I was sitting at my desk like a good employee, and one of my co-workers said “Hey come here quick!” Really I think she could have said “Hey come here when you get a chance!”, and I still would have jumped at the opportunity to get out of my little “cube” in which the walls are constantly moving closer together. (No really, I think they did some construction work over the weekend) I walked briskly to the back of the office, just to see said co-worker walking the other direction. “Come on we have to go outside!” At this point I still don’t need a reason to go outside. “Okay let’s go!” I responded. In all of the excitement I forgot to get my coat. No prob, I’m a man and can handle the cold just like sailors, pirates, and the marlboro man. I can hang with the best of em! As I walk outside, I start to realize my testicles are ascending into my body like two marbles into a Eureka. This is about the time I start to figure out what’s going on. Apparently another co-worker got a call from his dad saying the underground parking by city hall is blocked off. This apparently, prompted us to go “check it out”. I get to the corner of Tijeras and 5th st and I see that Tijeras is blocked off from 5th to 2nd. “woah baby what’s goin on”. “Ah, it’s nothing, said my co-worker.” Since our town as been such a magnet for Hollywood lately, and most of the crews film downtown, It wouldn’t be a suprise if yet one more movie was being filmed. So my excitement was for nothing. But wait! What is that flying down the street towards us?! Oh that my friend, is the dang bomb squad! Hot Damn! I guess there will be some action today! That got my excitement level back to where it should have been! I immediately run inside to tell everyone I can before they hear it from someone else. At this point I talk to our security guard and I hear that there is a suspicious package just a mere yards from where I work! Then it hits me. No, not shrapnel (sp?), but the thought that no one has told us to leave the building. Hmmm….really makes ya think….about how bad ass this will be! Well, I’m not quite sure what happened, but all of the cops left. I think. So it was probably nothing. I’m sure some carless hobo left his bandana tied to a stick by someones Lexus.   Back to being a desk pilot.

Thursday, January 19, 2006 

oooouuuuuuuuch! Current mood:  exhausted Category: Parties and Nightlife   Woah baby! I’m sad to announce that I did not win any event last night. I think that I didn’t do enough off-season training for the winter games. Apparently these “games” will continue next Wednesday. In all fairness I guess we did win one event, but only by default. While playing darts, we decided (partially because we were only getting more intoxicated) that it would be in our best interest to try and hit the 4 and that would be the winner. Great logic right? I guess to sum it up, The Jurassic 2 did not pull through as I would have hoped. POOL: We started out a little weak, but started to get better as the game progressed. In the end I think we lost to the opposing team having a two ball lead. Not too bad right? These guys were good. I could tell that they had been practicing. Well no harm no foul right? Wrong! To my dismay the other team scratched on the 8-ball and still didn’t lose. Whaaa!?! I know that’s what I said. Still, I was about three beers into the night at this point so I still didn’t care. On to the next event. FOOSBALL: Not one of our teams strong points, mostly because it takes hand-eye coordination and an attention span longer than a three year old. After playing foosball, I realized I would be the perfect target for “Three Card Monty”. All you have to do is snap your fingers behind my head and I’m useless. Just our luck, we got to play the same dirty cheaters that we just won, but actually lost, but not really. As soon as the ball was in play, my spastic left hand started spinning the handle. (I don’t know what it’s called. Rod?) I was politely informed that this was against the rules. No problem, I’ve heard of the “rule” before. As the game went on I kept hearing my team mate say “He’s cheating, he can’t block!” Obviously at this point I’m thinking. “Shhhh. I’m trying to concentrate.” That is, until I went for a “kick” and found that I couldn’t move my handle due to the opposing player holding it. My thought? “That dirty son-of-a- bitch!” I can’t spin, but he can grab the handle. Luckily I was still drinking so I didn’t really care at that point. Besides, I don’t think it would’ve helped J2 get back 7 points. BEER PONG: Long story short, I drank for my team for most of this game. I also really suck at throwing a ping pong ball after about six beers. I was surprised to find out that the two APD officers we were playing against were quite good at both drinking and throwing ping pong balls. (something they teach at the academy?) DARTS: At this point our two teams were more interested in making side bets then actually winning at darts. This is where the winning took place. All in all I had a good night. I’d like to thank my fellow J2, Lindsay, Officers Anthony and Kevin, and most of all Sarah for taking care of me for the after math. P.S Sorry about the bad grammar and spelling. My muscles are sore from all of the physical activity.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006 

I iron my shirt every morning Current mood:  indescribable Category: Travel and Places   I know that everyone has been sitting in anticipation for my next blog entry. To me it seems like my blogs are like episodes of 24. Instead of wondering “Who is the mole.”, “I wonder if Jack will get out of this one.” People wonder, “What will this guy come up with next.” Well, my friends, family, and prospectors. Here it is! Okay, let me level with you. I don’t have anything to write about. I do however feel the urge to keep typing. So I’ve decided to hold an open Q and A Forum. First question, yes you sir in the front with the hair lip. Umm… No I don’t like that question. Mainly because I can’t understand you. Okay who else…..oh okay ma’am with the burn scars. hmm. okay yeah ohhhh of course. I like that point she brought up. We really do not as a country produce enough sporks. I believe that our country should start marketing other types of sporks, such as portable sporks, metal sporks for multiple uses, and knorks. (a knife-fork combination). Yes Sir, you with the horrible bad breath. Well yes you are correct! I am going to be participating in the winter games this year! Yes my partner and I will be combining our last names to become team Lymertz. We will take the dart, foosball, and pool world by storm! I will keep you all posted on how well we do tonight! I’m sorry that is all the time I have.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 

bologna sculptures Current mood:  working Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping   So there I was staring at what I thought was a penny. I don’t know how long I was staring but it must have been a while because when the old man yelled at me I looked up and it was dark. Granted, it was dark when I first walked by the mystery object, but not this dark. “Whatcha lookin at?”, asked the old man. I explained to him that I was walking downtown to find my diginity. (yeah Sarah and Lindsay, I lost mine too.) I also explained to him that I really didn’t know what it looked like, so I couldn’t really report it missing. The one thing I did know is that I recieved an anonymous letter stating that until I found it, my “dignified” status would be null and void. I don’t know about anybody else but a person’s dignity is not something to be taken for granted. I had to learn this the hard way. A person’s dignity is kind of like a dog’s bone. You really don’t pay much attention to it until you find out it’s gone. They are both are also coverd in slober and and ticks. I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t ever take your dignity, self-esteem or nipples for granted. I will never know for sure if that “penny” was actually my missing friend. The surgeon says he will be able to extract it this weekend. One other note: I don’t think pennies or dignities are supposed to be inserted in just any oriface.   paid for missing dignity awareness association. M.D.A.A.   I’m so effin wierd. What’s my deal anyway?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 

burning sensations Current mood:contagious Category: Sports   Kiss ’05 good-bye! Burn your calendars, planners, and cell phones! This is the year that we tell the man to take his scam we all call a “leap year” and shove it up his Gregorian ass. We’re all a bunch of suckers and the calendar industry is laughing in our faces. I have something to say to those fat cats in Washington! In the words of Nazareth “Now your messing with a son of a bitch!” This country was founded on freedom, and now we’re a slave to “time”, “math”, and this mystery magic they call “science”. Enough is enough people, if you really care about your freedom, you will stand up for your rights. We need to renounce what we now call “days”. It shouldn’t matter when the day is actually over. The lines need to be blurred, so no one can tell where one day begins and another ends. No one can tell us when to buy presents for Christmas or birthdays. Why can’t I celebrate Armed Forces day in October? It could really free up some time in May. Think of the joy of waking up and deciding to make that very day a weekend. (In reality we wouldn’t have a weekends, because we wouldn’t have weeks.) Our society has spent to much time and energy deciding when it’s appropriate to sleep, work, eat, and shoot clay pigeons.  If you agree with me, stand up and show the world, how you feel by sending in a cashiers check or money order for $1. For just one dollar you will recieve a membership card for No Time. No Time is an organization against, you guessed it, time. I hope to hear from you. And I’ll see you at the polls. -Anders for Senate

Saturday, December 10, 2005 

soap carvings Current mood:  jubilant   “I love beer, it bubbles my tummy, it tastes yummy. This twelve pack was a good batch, I want to see your sna……….” Oh I’m sorry I didn’t see you come in? I was just drinking some beer. You want one? Oh, sorry to hear about your liver. No mine sucks. It hates me.Yeah well, if you’re not supposed to drink gasoline they should put a label on it. I know right? She was all over you! At first I was kind of nervous about taking you in there, but how many times do you get to watch a donkey do that to a human! Yeah you shoulld probably wash that. No mine’s alright, it’s just a little sore. Nothing a little oinment  and a moist towel won’t cure.Well, take it easy Grandma, see you at Christmas.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 

Angels are among us Current mood:  sleepy Category: Sports   Did antone see that new show on Fox where people swap wives? I just saw for the first time. My favorite one was when a 16 year old single mother switched places with that one guy who is a satanic cult leader? Man who knew that a dead chicken could do that? Part two is on tonight, hopefully laughter will ensue!

I did it like this, I did it like that……..

Found my phone, just needs to charge. Classes went well. What really amazes me is how much community college is just like high school. Okay, it doesn’t amaze me that much. As I sat and worked on my homework, I couldn’t help observe the many groups of what seems to be recently graduated high school students. This is expected, because really I’m the odd man out. I am the monority. What really confuses me, is how these people pass these classes and more, what classes are they taking? I sat outside working on my crossword, and couldn’t help overhearing a woman complaining about her Spanish class. I quote, “In Spanish the “H” doesn’t make an “H” sound, but the “J” does. Why wouldn’t they just have the “H” make an “H” sound. I had to laugh a little bit because I imagined a group of people that meet and determine how languages are spoken. “Well, I know you American’s use the “H” to make a hu sound, but us Spanish speakers really like the letter “J” for that sound. Actually we really dislike the “H”, so we aren’t going to pronounce it it all. Plus, we get funding by “J” if we use it, soooooo, sorry.” She was telling this to a guy who up until two seconds before that, was talking on his hands free cell phone contraption (also known as wizards ear) to some female that obviously had his attention. He said things like, “of course I will help you move” and “I just wanted to say hi before I go to work at 11”. (It was 10:30) Soon after he hung up (or however you end a wizards ear conversation) these two started talking. He was telling her how multiple female friends called him the previous night needing consoling for various reasons. I started to zone out a little because I felt nauseous. So here they were, she complaining about the “people” that make decisions about foreign language, he talking about how much of a D.B he was and how his pony tail made him look like a sleaze bag. So, I know I was obviously listening in on some one else’s conversation, but they were sitting about 30 feet from me and talking loud and clear enough for all to here. I had to move eventually because I couldn’t figure out a four letter word for a hammer head part.

I came back to that spot a while later only to hear a sleaze bag in training tell some stories to his captive audience of people in need of some self esteem. Once again speaking loud enough for all to hear. He was actually louder than the first guy. He was in the middle of some story of a hit and run, where he was not he one who ran. It surprised me too. Then he started talking about his legacy in high school. Apparently his friend was “talking Sh*t” about him to his sister who was still in school. His strories were not as cognative as the first guy but I could still tell, he probably likes Insane Clown Posse. He also slammed a guy into a car and then alluded the police by hiding in a tool shed for three hours. What a catch! This guy had such bad luck that someone made a “rap” that somehow misrepresented this young man. So, he did what any one would do, he went over to his “pad” and smashed all of the “demos” with a bat. Of course there were no other copies because the demos were apparently not backed up on the computer. They “were saved on his homie’s computer.” Once again I had to leave.

So, it really baffles me that these characters are in school. I don’t mean to sound pretentious, but when do they have time for homework? What type of homework do they get? I mean I could see, finishing your home work when you get home from the toolshed or consoling your female friends then turning a bad situation into a study group. Maybe I’m just jealous that I don’t have homies and don’t think outside the box when it comes to demos or the Spanish language.

SQL? I haven’t seen the first one yet.

My original goal for this blog was to write an entry every day. Oh well.  The summer term started again, so this week was little crazy, not to mention the three day party we call a wedding. I guess I did just mention it though. I have a full schedule once again. Let me break it down for ya.

English- I have the same teacher this term as last term. He’s a pretty stand up dude. I particularly wanted this class because he doesn’t like any of the books he has to choose from. What does that mean? No book. This could possibly be the best news of this term. Not only do I not have to spend 1oo big ones for a used book that probably won’t be used again, but that’s one less book that I have to lug around. All of the readings are online and one of them is an essay by David Sedaris. I like this teacher’s moxie. In a way he’s giving the Eng. department a big middle finger. This is something I would like to think I would do if I were a teacher. Why is it necessary to pay out the anus for a book that ends up being “useless” for the next term because the department decides to use a “new” edition. I think it boils down to a pay to play scandal. I plan to investigate this further. I’ll let you know how it goes. As for the class, hopefully it turns out to be everything I always hoped for. Which happens to be an A. Side note, we just had to write a response for “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift. I found it hilarious. Check it out.

Database Design- This class seems like a good time right? What’s better than learning Structured Query Language? This is another good class that just does not have a book required. On top of that, the teacher made a deal with the class that if homework is being turned in on time, we only meet once a week. Googly Moogly, that sounds like a sweet deal. We’ll see how this class goes, I am already using SQL developer at work a little bit. This teacher is going to have us use SQL+ first in hopes of teaching us the hard way first. I am also working with at least one employee from Oracle at work. Now who do you think is providing us education material in class? You guessed it, the giant we call Oracle. This class should prove to be very helpful. Now I can make nerdy jokes like……..well, I’m not sure yet.

Spanish- This class my prove to be troublesome. Even though I have grown up in a city where the Spanish language is all around me, I speak none of it or shall I say cero. For some reason when forced to take a language in high school, I chose German. Luckily, I sat next to nice young man who also never took Spanish in high school. Guess what? His fist language was Spanish. His family is from Puerto Rico. I thought, “Oh Sheeeeit.” Actually this guy apparently does not remember any of it. The language he took in high school? Russian. Awesome. When the teacher suggested that we exchange phone numbers with the person next to us, my new friend just awkwardly sat there. So I just sat there. He then turned to me and said, “I hope you’re not offended because I don’t give you my phone number. I’m just not very outgoing.” What? I should have said thank you sir, you just gave me some meat and potatoes for my blog. Instead I just said, “That’s cool.” I shouldn’t complain, one time I sat with a guy who wanted to exchange numbers in case one of us missed a class. Here I am two terms later and I still get retarded texts from him about blondes and dumb sex jokes. So, no harm, no foul.

Math- This class just is. Nothing exciting here. Same old stuff. Show up, blah, blah, blah. Don’t miss a quiz, blah, blah, blah. She likes Pink Floyd, which could prove to be good or very bad. She is also the director of Scrabble Society. I can’t remember if it is called a society or not, but it’s exactly what it sounds like. Apparently members (the average age is 68) get together and……well play Scrabble. Sound like fun? Let me know and I will tell her that I know someone who needs a friend.

Sociology- I actually haven’t started this class yet. It’s an online class that doesn’t start until June. I’m guessing it’s a class where they teach you to socialize, which is a class I really need.

An update- I lost my phone, so sorry if I don’t call you back.

Adios

Today in History

I’m tired. On Saturday I joined the ranks of all married people across the world. I’m still waiting for my dowry. I’ll let you know how that goes. I am still amazed at how much goes into a huge wedding and then in 8 hours it’s over. The best line was from my new father in law. When I asked, ” We’ve spent the past year preparing for this and now it’s over.What do we do now?” He replied, “I guess get on with your life.” So, I’m back to my life. Or at least my blog that I’ve neglected for so long.

So here’s some trivia for you. Twenty years ago today, Henry Geonaupolis invented a safer way to preserve shoes and other garments of clothing when he developed a substance in a pouch that could be shoved into shoe boxes and other packaging. Before this, a dangerous substance was used that could not be touched by human hands. Although his substance could still not be eaten, it waqs a huge leap.

Forty years ago, Gene Gladstone submitted his first version of his new invention for an official patent. It was a new design to help food vendors and restaurant owners cut down cost for eating utensils. Today we know it as a spork.

Fifty nine years ago, Jennifer Flange organized the worlds first job fair. Although no one showed up, she viewed it as a step forward.

Twenty seven years ago, in Tacoma Washington a beautiful baby boy was born. He would grow up to be a charming man with the best blog on word press.

This ride aint free

Every morning I shave. Almost every morning. I’m not sure why, but I hate shaving. It doesn’t casue me pain or anything, I just hate it it’s anoying. I noticed that I do something funny while I do it though. I tell knock knock jokes. Just kidding, that’s not funny. For some reason, when I shave my mustache region, I shave right up the middle first. I have this fear that if I start on each side and work towards the middle, my electric razor will die and I will be stuck with a patch of hair right in the middle. Yes, like Hitler. This is worry is probably not valid because I could always finish with a regular razor. This got me thinking this morning. Hands down Hitler was one of the most terrible men to live on this earth. No question. It’s just interesting to me that if someone has a mustache like that, racism is the first thing that comes to mind. Also, was that fashionable then? I mean I guess it was sort of right? What about Charlie Chaplain? My head is pretty much bald by all definitions. If I wear glasses and wear a diaper, will Ghandi pop into peoples heads?

Anyway, I started thinking of mustaches after that. As much as I think mustaches are great, they are really sort of a pain in the ass. A while back I tried a beard for a while. It wasn’t so bad. Of course some of my friends wondered about me. Not because I grew a beard, but because I couldn’t really grow a beard. It came out really splotchy. Eventually it looked better, but it took a really long time. I had made a deal with my lady friend that when I shaved it off, I would leave a trucker/70’s mustache like this.

Of course, I obeyed, expecting to just shave it off right away. It was amazing how fast I became (for lack of better words) attached to it. I soon discovered how much of a pain it was to shave around it everyday. If a stoner at Subway is considered an artist, I was a Stache Sculptor. So, I soon shaved that off as well. This is not to say, that I don’t respect a well groomed push broom. Magnum PI, enough said.

For me personally, I think either shave everything or nothing at all. (Except my crazy bushy eyebrows) I am partial to this one.

It’s also interesting to me that at some point having a mustache went from being manly (think Burt Reynolds circa 1975) to being creepy (think Burt Reynolds circa 2009). The exception is the indie band/hipster stache. It really amazes me how a mustache can change how someone looks, sometimes making them unrecognizable. Case in point, Curtis James Jackson III.

Sorry, Fitty, but you look like someones boyfriend at Sing Sing. I’m not really sure when it happened, but we really did decide that at some point it was either ironic or inappropriate to have a mustache. Perfect example: When I told my future old lady that I wanted all of the groomsmen to grow a mustache for the wedding, she almost threw up. Thirty years ago she would have said, no but because it would make it hard to pay attention to me with all of the hot staches behind me. So, no crumb catcher for me.

Mustaches, creepy or cool?

Talk amongst yourselves.